“Quality time” is the only love language that matters

Time is our most valuable resource. So someone’s time is the most meaningful thing they can give you — and ours the most meaningful thing we can give them.

The other four love languages — acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, and physical touch — are all fine in their own right, and perfectly valid ways of expressing or receiving love — as long as they are secondary to time.

Gary Chapman positioned the five as perfectly equal in value — and encouraged us to defend our subjective inclinations between them without any real assessment on what it meant for our value system.

But preferring anything over time, when time is — factually — the only thing that’s truly finite (we can never recreate it or get it back) is, frankly, to foster a fucked value system, and to value the wrong things. (I’d even go as far as to suggest that “quality time” is the most intelligent love language — that is, the one that intelligent people would naturally prefer.)

To suggest that love is a domain where subjectivity rules and all of the five are equally valid is to suggest that love is somehow outside of the bounds of universal truths. Which, whatever, if that’s your argument. But it’s not mine.

It’s not a matter of subjectivity or personal preference. There is a right and wrong answer here in terms of what has the highest value in the universe, so that’s also what has the highest value in love.

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