You were free to stay or leave. I am free to love you either way.
For me, love is always a carefree sort of affair. I love lightly. (And when things stop working, I say something, and then I leave. As you’ve seen.)
One explanation is that I’m love avoidant. But the other explanation, or perhaps a deeper one, is that: I have no dominion over you.
The only claim I have is the one I choose for myself — it is my prerogative to wake up each morning and feel how I’ll feel about you; to feel any which way I’d like and continue to recommit if I so choose. But that doesn’t mean I can ask the same of you.
Ultimately, it was me who left. But if you had, I would have let you.
But at the same time, you leaving is just one half of it. In the same way that you decide your feelings, I can go on deciding mine.
You have agency over yourself. But I have agency over my feelings toward you. Those are mine to keep.
I’m grateful to have at least had some time together, which will fade into a pleasant, pretty blip in what is otherwise the fabric of our lives.