That which we call insecurity / by any other name would smell as sickly sweet
And the way we put these things on other people, versus the way we should take responsibility to resolve it for ourselves.
It’s amazing how many people talk about anxiety” when what they really mean is a lack of coping mechanisms.
“Love anxious,” to be fair, is the term for people who are insecure in love, who maintain a state of constant worry in a relationship. They tend to crave others, are often worried about whether or not their partner loves them back, and freak out when you don’t text them back after 5 minutes. They may also be jealous and accuse you of infidelity.
The wrong “fix” you ask of others: “Reassure me!”
The actual fix from you: Reassure yourself. Build your own self esteem.
Disclaimer: there is actual, clinical anxiety. For real. This is not what most people have when they use the word “anxiety,” however.
That feeling is not love, my child. It’s attachment, and attachment is unhealthy.
It’s a very human tendency, to be fair, but clinging to things is also the root of pretty much all of our struggles, from frustrations to anxiety, from anger to sadness, from grief to worry.
The wrong “fix” you ask of others: “Just ‘love’ me more!”
The actual fix, from you: Loosen the fuck up on your death grip, sweetheart. Let go.
Life is imperfect. Everything is impermanent. Your pursuit of “perfectionism” is just procrastination and insecurity and illogical standards that don’t exist.
The wrong “fix” you ask of others: “Reassure me I’m perfect.”
The actual fix, from you: understand and accept that there is no perfect.
Child, everyone has flaws.
I used to own a women’s clothing company, and if there’s one thing I learned about women and their body image, it was this: every single woman — even the petite size 00 — wishes her belly was just a little flatter.
If you choose to chase a flat belly, you are actively choosing disappointment and unhappiness. The solution isn’t in getting in flat belly. The solution is loving yourself for more important — and reasonable — things.
One of my favorite clients was a woman with a totally normal body. She was 5’10” and not overweight but by no means “skinny,” with generous hips and thighs — as well as the very human curves of love handles and an abdomen.
“I absolutely love my body.” She told me. “It is very good to me, and it is womanly.”
She had one of the best body images of any client I worked with (and I worked with several of “Those Girls” other girls envy, like Instagram models, fashion bloggers, and petite 00’s.) She had her shit together.
The wrong “fix” you ask of others: “Tell me I’m not flawed!”
The actual fix, from you: Understand that you are, and accept yourself with love.
The incessant compulsion to be “liked.”
Look, this is fruitless, and will only end in sadness. Because there is no universe where any person is liked by every other person. Even Mother Theresa had critics, and last I checked you aren’t Mother Theresa.
The only person who needs to like you is you, and you haven’t even managed that.
The wrong “fix” you ask of others: “Like me!”
The actual fix, from you: Like yourself.
Lol, especially when the demands are for big words like “acceptance.” The big word you want from us — the one you tether and bind up in “love” — but outright refuse to give yourself.
The wrong “fix” you ask of others: “Accept me.”
The actual fix, from you: Accept yourself.
“Helplessness” or “blaming”
Expecting anyone else in your life to resolve your insecurities — or your insecurities by another name — is the opposite of what you should be doing.
You alone are responsible — for seeing things for what they are, and resolving them.