What you should — and should not — feel bad about

Because you don’t have to be sorry for caring


You should feel bad about…

  • Standing someone up — coordinating a time and place to meet and then leaving them hanging
  • Hanging up on someone during a phone call
  • Calling them the wrong name during sex
  • Calling them the wrong name ever
  • Being deliberately mean — but only if you’re actually sorry. Ain’t nobody got time for a bullshitter
  • Leading someone on with talk of “marriage,” or not correcting them when they talk about wanting to marry you
  • Cheating on someone, especially if you’ve talked about being exclusive

You should NOT feel bad about…

  • Caring about someone you just started dating
  • Investing in someone you just started dating
  • Having feelings for someone you just started dating
  • Envisioning the two of you developing a relationship
  • Feeling sad if it doesn’t work out between you two

But we *ALSO* should not feel bad about…

  • Things just not working out with someone you just met
  • …even if they really like you
  • …even if they invest
  • …even if they totally thought this was a thing
  • Not making someone you only just started dating a top priority if you don’t see it working out with them

We never, ever have to apologize for building our lives in the way it works for us.

We should never feel bad about trying — for putting effort out there and investing and seeing if something can happen. We do not have to feel embarrassed or stupid for having feelings or thinking “this is it.”

But we also do not have to feel like “the bad guy” just because those feelings aren’t mutual.

Sometimes things don’t work out. And we can feel bad for being deliberately mean to someone — we can even feel bad for being inadvertently mean, if we feel compelled — but we never have to apologize for our feelings, or making efforts to build lives that suit us.

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