To the dude considering the Snoopy tattoo


Dear Scott,

(May we call you Scott? We trust we’re on a first-name basis at this point, but correct us if we’re wrong.)

We like you. You seem like a likable lad. We could beat around the bush with this, but we’re all adults here. You’re likable, and we like you. ̶E̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ especially since those dick pics turned out to be another applicant’s.



I speak for myself but also any women in agreement (and there’s gotta be at least one, making my “I” and “me” a slightly-less-crazy-blogger “we.”)

We like your honesty. We like your candor in the answer “I’m not desperate for a relationship by any means, but am certainly open to one.” It’s simple. To the point. Gentle without being flowery. This is something with which we can get on board.

We like your humility. When asked where you’d like to be in five years, you answered, “In five years I hope I’m still alive.” And frankly, Scott, what emotionally-healthy person can’t agree with that?

We like your humor. We’re not even sure where, exactly, you were funny, because it’s not even overt enough to quote. There’s just an air of self-deprecation about you (like, was the “wine drunk” thing supposed to be funny or nah?) It’s amusing.

We like your writing. You don’t over-write, and that’s nice. Shit like “This was something like three years ago. She never moved to LA” is refreshing in its simplicity.

And we hope to see more of it. Parenthesis and all.

Comrades,
Kris Gage and at least one other woman, hopefully

P.S. re: your dick pic — we accept.

P.P.S. re: whether or not to get your Snoopy tattoo — whatever makes your heart sing, fam. Whatever makes your heart sing.


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