Kindness without getting kicked in the teeth

It comes down to self-respect

The dividing line between “generous” and “doormat” seems to be a really, really common question:

How to approach love with balance? 
How to give without giving too much? 
How to self-love without selfishness? 
How do we even love without one person giving and one person taking away?

The dividing line

People who “take” more than their fair share in love don’t worry about this — the only time they have to think about it is when their partner complains (or leaves them.)

The only people who consistently think about “balance” are the ones already giving. They worry about giving too much of themselves, or giving without getting enough back.

You can be kind while standing up for yourself.

Nikita Gill wrote,

“A lot of people lump in the word kindness with ‘easy to walk all over’…let me just say this much: the ability to say NO to something, to stand up for yourself does not in any way detract from your kindness and the person that you are.”

It all comes down to self-kindness

That dividing line is easy when we respect, love, and cherish ourselves. Not in an insecure way, or a conceited way, or an overcompensating way. Not in a selfish way.

That dividing line of what is and isn’t giving is: never so little or much that anyone’s well-being is put at risk.

We never put ourselves first at the cost of others’ wellbeing — only giving in a way that we consider our own wellbeing as well. And we never give in a way that makes puts our own values, wellbeing, or sense of self at risk to please others.

Because both people are important. Both matter.

Kindness means compassion and consideration — for everyone, yourself included.

And if you struggle to discern where that line is, or how to manage it, it all comes down to self-regard, self-respect, and self-love.

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