Love isn’t going to fix us

It can’t be a cure-all solution to save our lives


Love is a wonderful thing —one of the things that makes both our days and our lives far more meaningful.

And while it does make our lives better, it can’t fix what we’re not also working on.

Love makes us feel better, but it doesn’t do our own emotional work

It may boost already-strong mental health, but love isn’t equipped to fix emotional or mental problems. It can smooth little bumps that come up day to day, but it won’t resolve ongoing anxiety. It can give us a companion, but that companion can’t be there 100% of the time, and love can’t fill in for our need to find or fix our social life. And love can make a happy heart happier. But it isn’t going to fix a broken one.

Love can nourish an already emotionally healthy person, but it can’t satisfy our emotional needs or do the emotional work we must do alone.

Love can make days nicer, but it isn’t going to make *every* day beautiful

Love isn’t going to transform our world into something that will always be full of light. Love isn’t going to turn our life into a perfect daydream. It isn’t going to become a fantasy. Real life — and love — will never look like what we see on Instagram or Pinterest, or the “happy endings” of most film, or what that couple we know IRL projects when they’re around other people.

Love makes life more meaningful, but it doesn’t make it perfect

Love might mask our hurt. It may cover up the void — in certainty, self-assurance, security, whatever. It may feel as though it fills the holes in your heart. And it may cover up our lack of self confidence. But it’s not a real fix. It’s only a temporary feeling.

Because once the honey moon stage ends, you won’t feel so high anymore. You won’t feel so stable or settled in. And you’ll realize that yes, love is important. But it is not the end all be all.

Love makes everything feel better, but it doesn’t fix it all

It isn’t going to fix our past or cement our future

We’ve got to heal those broken parts on our own. We can’t rely on someone else to fix us, or depend on someone else to get our lives on lock.

Love is not a magic spell.

Love can amplify self-love, but it can’t replace it

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson writes,

“Love will come your way when you love yourself more than you love the thought of loving someone else. You can’t expect another person to make you perfect. You can’t expect another person to make your life full of joy.”

We have to believe in ourselves first. Otherwise, even as we crave “love” from others by way of affirmation and reassurance and validation, we’ll always be distrusting it, disbelieving it, shooting it down. And that’s incredibly frustrating, and not at all fruitful, for both people.

We have to love ourselves first — as human beings, in our beautifully imperfect human state. We have to accept ourselves before we can truly accept love from another.

Only when we’ve fixed ourselves can love build on that foundation and give us something meaningful and beautiful.

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