Don’t settle for someone who sees you as “good enough”
I know this because everyone does.
It can be tempting to settle for second best. To settle for what’s here, in front of us, especially when it looks a whole lot better than loneliness.
It’s not that I’m telling you that you have to wait around for someone who sees you as their Dream Girl. I’m not saying to wait around for your Dream Guy. In fact, I’m saying the opposite. I’m saying that we should have good values — and we should find partners that have good values. And part of those good values should be not holding out for some idealized image of perfection — or settling for someone who’s eying us the same way.
I’m saying you deserve someone who’s got their head on straight and their values in the right place and wakes up each morning, looks at you — in your utterly imperfect human-being-ness — and still thinks to themselves, “aww yeah.”
Maybe you care for each other. Or maybe you just want to care for each other. Maybe you want him, but you’d want him even more if only.
Don’t live your life that way. Don’t treat other human beings that way. And don’t let other human beings regard you that way. Don’t settle for a partner who looks at you across the table and internally sighs, “not perfect, but they’ll do.”
Look for someone who smiles, “doesn’t matter — I want them.”
And, equally important, be that person back.
It doesn’t matter if everything is there if they always hold “perfection” over your head. It doesn’t matter if you’re their favorite person to talk to, or they’re secure with you, or they spend all their free time with you, and “every moment together feels as natural as anything you’ve ever known.”
If they’re holding out for something “slightly better,” run. That’s not to say that “better” isn’t out there — it’s to say that we shouldn’t settle for people who enter into relationships like they’re something to maximize.
Because there will always be someone more attractive, younger, smarter, more novel (obvs), more fun, whatever.
If they want to chase phantoms, fucking let them. Don’t settle for that shit.
Imagine how heartbroken you’d feel if you met someone absolutely incredible — only to meet their partner and realize they regarded them as “just okay.” That’s how someone out there will feel meeting you and your partner if you settle for someone who does this.
You deserve better. We all do.
If they are holding out for something, leave. If they aren’t sure, leave. If they have reasons — timing, not being ready, busy, doesn’t want to ruin it, etc. — then bounce. If they cared, they wouldn’t want to risk it. So leave if they do.
You deserve more than someone who isn’t sure.
Writer Lacey Ramburger wrote,
“It is one thing to give someone time and space to work out a decision — we all need that from time to time. Making decisions that affect our lives require thought and even reflection to be certain we are ready, or at least ready to give it a shot. Yet if time after time, he finds yet another reason to place you on the backburner, then you shouldn’t keep holding on to someone who views you more as a choice he can’t make rather than someone he can’t imagine not being with… It’s okay if you want to wait, but you should also know that you shouldn’t be expected to wait forever while someone reels you in and pushes you away in the name of self-preservation.”
You deserve someone who chooses you, and continues to choose you.
You are a person, not a throw pillow. You add value as a complex and imperfect human being.
Wait for someone who sees you as special, not a chore or checkbox. Let someone else step up and do exactly what you’ve been hoping for —choose you, right now. With whatever they have to offer.