Own Your Part

And show up here

Edina Tokodi

It’s real hard to write about your life without writing about your life, especially when you’ve got the inclination to write about your life.

I don’t really write about details because I’m never sure which to include. Safest bet is always the past, except when you consider that I’m far more interested in the present, future, or “non-time, pure-fluff theoretical” tense.

I don’t really write about where I live because I’m not sure it matters.

I don’t really write about work because, I don’t know, separation of church and state. Also it’s not really important. But mostly the former, because the only thing standing between this world and that one is the play-pretend model I have for keeping the two apart.

I also don’t really write about my partner day to day. I write about him at a high level, skirt around our story (“friends for fifteen years, but that’s enough of that — here I am going on and on!”)

But I want to write about what I write about, because writing is my part of the deal.

I can choose whatever form I want. I can talk theoretical, in wispy sentences that don’t have much weight. I can share real stories. I can sort of half-share a real story without sharing too much. I can mention things (improv; my mom) that implies a sense of intimacy without actually sharing anything.

I can make a reader feel something. I can give them something to relate to. I can offer them something in which to see themselves.

I can put the time in. I can type. I can spend part of my day, every day — part of my week; part of my life — putting posts out there. My Mac is only a year old and two of the keys have popped off from typing. And that’s all part of my end of the deal. I can work.

But I can’t decide for you what you want to do. I can’t decide what’s most important.

I can suggest a drink for you, and I can definitely pour it and put it in front of you, but I can’t promise it’s the one you wanted.

I can do my part of the bargain, but I can’t pick up more than you do when “the deal” is more your life than mine.

Decisions in your life are yours and not mine. I can weigh in, I can make suggestions, and I can most definitely back you up — hell, I’ll even jump and say when I think you’re wrong. But I can’t tell you how to live your life. I can’t make these major life decisions for you.

That work must first and foremost, by design, at least first fall on you.

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