Kris Gage

It’s not the thing we think

Note: this was originally part of “The 1 Most Important Thing To Be Successful.” I broke it out, as it seemed to warrant a stand-alone post, but if you already read it there, you may not need/want to read it again here.

Too many people don’t pursue anything because they’re “finding their passion.”

And to these people I just want to say:

You don’t need passion.

At least not in the grossly oversimplified way we define it — as “interests” — and definitely not as a standalone thing.

If you’re already passionate…

Great — keep on keeping on. This message isn’t for you. Skip ahead.

This message is for everyone “trying to find their passion,” i.e., expecting the universe to hand it to them. It’s for those sitting around waiting for “inspiration” and using a lack of it as an excuse to do nothing. It’s even for people who consider themselves “passionate” but allow it to dictate their effort levels, which ebbs and flows day to day. (And many of us are guilty of this.)

If you’re “looking for your passion”

Get over yourself — you’re overcomplicating.

As Tim Grover, personal trainer to a number of top professional basketball players, including fifteen years with Michael Jordan, says,

“You know what passion is? Passion is an emotion. It’s an emotion without an action. Passion will get you nowhere. Inner drive will get you nowhere unless you act on it. You have to act on your passion. You have to act on your inner drive. Don’t let those feelings stay inside you. You gotta know what to do with them. You gotta know how to make them work to get what you want.”

You already have everything you need

Because “passion” is not what we think it is.

I read a shit-ton of biographies, autobiographies, and memoirs, and here’s something a remarkable number of people have in common:

Many successful people didn’t choose their “thing.”

Barbe-Nicole Ponsardin of Veuve Clicquot only came into the champagne business through her husband, who inherited it from his father and then died early on in the marriage. It was a just a few struggling vineyards when Barbe-Nicole took it on, but over her life she not only built what is still today one of the leading champagne empires, but she completely re-engineered the way champagne was produced, shipped and marketed, revolutionizing the industry forever. All of this from someone who, before her husband’s death, had probably never even considered getting into champagne.

Howard Schultz and Ray Kroc (the recognized founders of Starbucks and McDonalds, respectively) were restaurant supply salesmen who bumped into single-location shops (coffee and burgers), saw how good the products were, and blew them out. Shark Tank’s Barbara Corcoran was introduced to the commercial real estate business where she made her millions through her boyfriend at the time.

Andre Agassi, widely considered one of the greatest tennis players of all time, admitted in his autobiography that he hates tennis “with a dark and secret passion.”

Plenty of people succeed having spent exactly zero time pondering what interests me? Not because they were “accidental entrepreneurs,” or “just got lucky,” because they sure as hell still worked — hard. They just didn’t sit around waiting for the perfect opportunity or “interest” to fall into their lap.

They directed their energy at what was in front of them.

It kinda reminds of the scene between Buddy and the store manager in the 2003 film Elf,

Buddy: “I just like to smile — smiling’s my favorite!”

Store Manager: “Make work your favorite — that’s your favorite, okay? Work is your new favorite.”

Now, obviously there are of course plenty of founders who chase intrinsic, tangible interests — Elon Musk, Coco Chanel, Jeff Bezos (Amazon), Chouinard (Patagonia) and Ford — but if you do not already have a natural inclination toward a specific system (and you would know by now — we’re grown-ass adults), it’s because your passion is actually aligned elsewhere.

Because: you can be passionate about things, sure. But you can also be passionate about other areas: people, ideas, experimentation, insight, structure, etc. And you already have these.

Create Energy

How do you want to feel? Recall times you felt the closest to it.

What raised your body temperature? What made you feel alert and alive? It might not have been something as literal as “playing basketball” or “learning Latin.” It might have been something less discrete, like “helping people” or “high energy environments,” or, simply: “winning.”

You already have something, somewhere — you just undervalue it.

A lot of people are going to read this section and come away thinking: “yeah, see?! So I still need to ‘find my passion.’” No. It takes 5 seconds to answer the question: when in your life have you felt most alive, most fired up, most powerful? Name 2 or 3, then say why. That’s all you need to chase.

My passion is people.

My happiest and most energizing roles are simply those where I am:

• Working very closely with others. That bartender life, just for example, does right by me — there’s nothing quite like the sexy-ass zen feeling of being totally aware and in sync with the other bartender(s) movements behind the bar on a slammed Saturday night. You’d maybe think this would be lower, being an introvert (and a writer) and all. And it’s true that I hate stupid shit like “group projects” and “brainstorming sessions,” but I do love me a good group-tackle on a singular objective.
• Solving others’ pain points —directly. Every job I’ve ever loved, from high school to today, was interfacing with the customers or clients. Every job I’ve hated were those I was abstracted from them.
• In a high energy environment. (See: bar. Also: software.)

And the point here is: I don’t give a fuck about the product — as long as my customers care about the product. Some of my happiest roles were supporting products that I had never used, would never use, would never want to use, and in some cases could never use, but I didn’t care.

In fact, even when I had my own business, I wasn’t really “passionate” about that product in and of itself either. But it didn’t matter, because I was instead a.) passionate about the customer I was serving and b.) pissed about their pain point. I didn’t need to be passionate about what the solution looked like, just like I don’t need to personally like every drink I pour. Or every software solution I touch. I just need to care enough about people and what they want out of it.

It just needs to work.

You just need to find the one piece you need and once you find it, you just commit to and jump in on the rest.

Join my email list, champ!

(Pro tip: you can also reach me through that link.)

And the number 1 way to turn it around

If you think your life sucks, it probably does. But if you think it’s primarily due to any external factor, you’re wrong.

Across the board, there is one consistent, yawning, drowning reason that keeps us from achieving things, and it’s:

You Make Excuses

Instead of finding solutions.

In fact, many of you are making an excuse right NOW as you’re reading this!

Like,

• or I don’t make excuses — I have ADHD!”
• or “it’s not my fault — I have health issues!”
• or “I was raised to believe — ”
• or “I’m not as smart”
• or “I didn’t have rich parents” (news flash: many successful people didn’t, either)

Or maybe they sound more like:

• “I do work hard on my business — this is just the ‘research phase!’” (lol gtfo here with that and come back when you’re ready to join the real world)
• or “I need to make a plan first”
• or “I need more information”
• or “I don’t know what I want to do” (no shit — see below)
• or “my market is hard”
• or “nobody will help me”
• or “I’m doing everything right!” (lol, clearly not.)

Or perhaps my (least) favorite,

• “I know! I just need to get motivated!” (Look, bud. “Motivation” is bullshit. Successful people didn’t have more sparkle juice for breakfast — they just wanted it more than you do, and were willing to endure more setbacks to get it.)

We all have something we come back to. (My own favorite excuse that I use? Nothing is “quite right” enough — I’m critical, I hang back, I reject. And it’s probably interesting to note that the exception here is my relationship. The only reason I find “relationships” so easy is because I eliminate all of the judgment and “checklists” and only look for 3 things. And now that I’ve found them, all I worry about is committing each and every day.)

Anyway, to anyone thinking any of these or anything else — and we all have something we go back to — these are all examples of shit that the sort of people you admire overcame.

The one most important thing to be successful is: perseverance

Psychologist Angela Duckworth calls it “grit.”

Mega pro-basketball trainer Tim Grover calls it “relentlessness.”

Gary Vaynerchuk calls it “hustle,” sure — but he also calls it “patience,” i.e., hustling over the long haul, not just sometimes.

Will Smith calls it “being willing to die on the treadmill.”

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, calls it “working like a mule.”

Some call it “creating possibilities” — “by looking beyond what you think is available, and… focusing on what you can offer.” i.e., finding workarounds.

One CEO (and founder!) of a billion-dollar publicly-traded company chalks his success to only two things: (1) never run out of money. And after that? (2) When it gets hard — “and it will get hard!” he emphasizes — don’t stop. (Just for context: his company was in the red for ten years before they saw a profit.)

I read a shit-ton of biographies, autobiographies and memoirs, and one of the biggest commonalities I’ve noticed across all of these amazing people? When they experienced remarkable setbacks — situations where most people would fold — they kept going.

Some of them lost their entire inventory. Or they got fucked over by a partner. Or a vendor. They lost their right-hand product person. They went bankrupt. They were revolutionizing the champagne industry in the 19th Century and struggled to figure out how to get bottles around Europe without them a.) going bad or b.) breaking. Whatever.

The difference with successful people isn’t that they never experienced setbacks — it’s that they didn’t stop.

And those who don’t see the success are all the ones who did.

Why Do We Make Excuses?

Any number of reasons… maybe it’s because “inertia” — a body at rest will stay at rest. Or because “self esteem.” Because it’s socially acceptable.

But at the end of the day, it’s really because:

• You either don’t actually know what you want
• Or you don’t want it badly enough

People who know exactly what they want — and want it with a blinding desire — don’t make excuses.

How To Stop Making Excuses

It’s simple:

1.) Take ownership of your own life

Nobody is here to rescue you, Charles. Nothing outside of you matters as much as your reaction to it, and countless people have achieved more with less. Use what you have — and know that your biggest asset is your mind.

2.) Decide — specifically — what you want

“Build a business” is not specific. Fuck off with that shit. Be specific. And it’s not about “having a plan,” but it is understanding the difference between “get in shape” and “lose 20 pounds.” “Build a business” is not the specific goal — “sell x amount of x product to x people” is. Then you build the business around that, to support it.

3.) Want it badly enough

Want it enough that you’re willing to make sacrifices (lifestyle, relationships, other opportunities, credit, etc.) and you’re willing to push through when your shit sandwich is more shit than sandwich.

Take Ownership

Too many people think “work ethic” or “trying” means “only when it’s easy,” but trying when it’s not easy is the entire point. The universe doesn’t hand out special awards for people who can carry on in clear skies and sunshine. The universe favors those who are out there sloughing in rain and snow and hurricanes. (Metaphorically speaking. Unless it’s not for you…?)

The only thing holding you back from what you want is you. And the excuses you make — like what you incorrectly assign to other things.

You are not a victim of your own life

If you think the world is out to get you, it’s because you’ve victimize yourself and it rushes in to fill that energy void, receiving your negative energy with negative energy. You see negative because negative is what you put out.

You will never achieve what you want if you spend your life as a victim — if you do the same mediocre, hapless thing but expect great things to happen.

If you never get what you want, that is no one’s fault but your own. You are the only one who is standing in the way.

Life doesn’t owe you anything

If you want something you have to work hard for it — not make excuses as to why you don’t have it, or whine and complain.

One of my good friends is a dude now in his mid-30’s whose primary goal in life is to find his wife. He’s tall, has a fantastic job, dresses well, owns his own place, and — most importantly — has a heart of gold. In other words, has tons of the shit most people look for on paper. But the dude can’t find a partner.

But he also refuses to do anything differently. I’ve known him for over five years and he still goes to the same bars and uses the same sites. I hired aninterpersonal coach to help me with sales after a few months of running my business — a woman whose primary business is actually dating coaching: helping people find their spouse. I referred him to her, but he never called. He makes enough money — he just doesn’t want to try.

I have another friend who — same thing — also wants to find a husband. And again, she thinks she’s trying — she puts in effort for dates, she “puts love out there” right away, and when each one doesn’t work, she always asks me: “what am I doing wrong??” But the problem is that she doesn’t actually want to be doing anything wrong. She doesn’t actually want to change. She doesn’t actually want to hear the answers. What she actually wants is to keep going into these relationships doing exactly what she’s always done and for that to magically work. And I’m not saying it won’t work out for her because I’m sure it will, but it might help the process along a little bit if she actually tried a bit, too, rather than only thinking she was.

People will say you have to “work you ass off” and “work really hard” to get what you want. And yeah, that certainly helps. But so many people aren’t trying at all! They think they’re trying but they’re off in left field, doing things that don’t work and too consumed with making excuses to ask questions and experiment — and take responsibility for the outcome.

Commit to your own life

Don’t pretend your life is someone else’s job — or at the hands of the universe. Quit making it about anything that isn’t “you.”

If you want your life to get better then start, living like it. Start doing something positive in the right direction and don’t stop until you get there, and keep going even once you do.

Join my email list, champ!

(Pro tip: you can also reach me through that link.)